sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
