i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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