I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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