my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
