If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
