Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
