Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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