i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
