It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
