If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
