farters have to be the big spoon...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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