I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
