Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
