Duck Duck Cougar?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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