This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
