the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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