Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
