Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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