Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So vagazzling was a success
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