Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
