In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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