My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
