wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
