It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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