whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
