You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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