He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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