Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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