I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize