Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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