My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
