does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
