party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will pee on everything he values.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
