He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is my gift to your gina
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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