there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
