Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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