her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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