The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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