you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
