shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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