my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
