I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
