I'm really into asian looking animals
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
