He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
