i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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