Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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