I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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