my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
