so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
