Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There r osticjed everywhere
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
