The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just pee around me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.