you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!