That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
