i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave