The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup