OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
