I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
