I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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