Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
3pm strippers are depressing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
