i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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