anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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