he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
