Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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