"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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