Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
