It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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