I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
