do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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