I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
