Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My feet surprised me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
