Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize