My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
