no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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