I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
