Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
