I want to walk on stilts...naked
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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