gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
