Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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