Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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