He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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