Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
