i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
