a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
