I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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