Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
