Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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